There is just so much going on in this mind of mine and its both bad and somewhat good. A place to just vent and express how I feel since it is so difficult for me to express in words and in person... I hate the fact that I stutter when I really want my feelings expressed. I don't know why my mind thinks this way, sometimes I feel so uneducated that I can't properly speak my mind and what it all means in there. I do need some help and am willing to seek that once I find the right resources. I also notice I may be anti social or something because its hard for me to keep a constant communication on facebook and my lack of conversation makes me feel that I am not connected to this world. Without that, I try to compensate and do other activities like read my book, watch tv, work out, watch netflix but in my mind I know I am still disconnected from the world because I can't keep up with conversations and topics constantly populating facebook.
I can't think straight these and inside I stress out so much I just want to cry. I feel so stupid because I haven't done anything in my life to show self worth. Each year passes by and I look back and notice that I haven't accomplished anything huge as far as career wise. Why do I have to be the shy person that I am that I can't even keep a solid mind towards a particular goal, not being able to express myself fully on what's going on my mind without thinking that I am being judged on how I speak and present myself. I need a humbling experience to waken these senses and get me off the whole mindset of no you can't do anything...
Why am I the person that I am? Why do I control this individual on earth and what is Gods purpose for me? I think a lot about the strangest things and question why I have the flaws and particular high points about me. Sometimes I feel like an underachiever and that life doesn't care who the hell I am and is just slipping away. I know there is a lot of positives in my life but for some reason, I focus many of the negative things about me and let it affect my life and its entirety. I admit, I do need help but why me... why is this thing called life so hard for me to be one in society that can be smarter than the next guy, be good and be recognized for it, be tall, be liked and not looked down on because I am a minority, be light skinned, look like just a kid and not be highly looked upon. Everyone has their battles and I am just a weak link in society for not doing my part in being a better more loved person
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